Working with your emotions is not the same as weeding a garden

Even though I thought for a time it would be that simple: pull up all the weeds and leave the flowers, or peas, or spinach. But when you’re working with emotions, you don’t get to choose what you leave, and your emotions really aren’t weeds at all. They’re all precious nuggets of information about yourself, and if they’re scattered like weeds in an overgrown garden, then perhaps you haven’t had time, or space, or permission to examine each emotion’s message for you.

I think this happens to a lot of us. It certainly happened to me, until it felt like I was carrying an army backpack full. That backpack got to be really heavy - so heavy that I had to physically stop doing anything for a while - before I was willing to peek inside.

Each nugget of emotion I’d been hoarding was a gift of self-understanding and self-knowledge. It was terrifying to begin unpacking the bag. I was so afraid of what I would find. I didn’t have any idea what was in there, but the overwhelming emotion was panic. I thought that keeping my emotions tucked away and separate from myself was how I would survive - and it was, when I was a kid. What I didn’t take into account was that I’d grown up, moved away from home, graduated from college, and was making my own choices. That little-kid part of me still thought I lived at home and had to hide what I was feeling. (Side note - that is what it can feel like when a part of you is trapped in an emotion from the past.)

Opening the bag has been the greatest gift to myself because it has been the key to me knowing myself. My emotions tell me what’s important, the people and places I care about, they help me act with integrity, notice when I’m in danger or at ease, they help me release what’s done and celebrate my successes. Feeling all the things - welcoming all the plants in the garden - can be unpleasant at times, it’s true. But don’t they say that variety is the spice of life? I wouldn’t feel as vibrantly alive as I do without access to the full spectrum of my emotions that comes with welcoming the sadness and the joy, the anger and the shame.